Breuvage magique Numéro Neuf D'Amour
by Yavannasgrandmom
Summary: Zach wants Kendall to fall in love with him. But his confidence was destroyed by the situation with Maria. So he goes to an unlikely source for help in love: David. And David is happy to make something up in the sink that will help. Humor, Z,D,K.
1. Chapter 1

He stood at the door of the cabin. This was stupid. He ought turn back. Hayward was NOT to be trusted. But.. but...

Zach raised his fist again, closed his eyes, and knocked.

He knew that despite being a malicious, untrustworthy, greedy, selfish SOB, Hayward was the one to go to for the sort of help he needed. He was desperate. Very desperate. All his strong exterior had crumbled. All his common sense was gone. He'd lost Maureen, He'd been unable to rekindle anything when he found her again as Maria, and he was unable to break down the final wall with Kendall, despite his best efforts. He just couldn't get the nerve. He was sure he'd ruin it and mess up her life, as he did with Maria. His confidence was gone. He'd sunk pretty low to come to this place for help, but despite his normally cool exterior, he felt he was crumbling inside. He HAD to do something. Even this. Even confide in Hayward. He drew a breath. Kendall was worth the risk.

Surely there was something Hayward could whip up that would give Zach the strength and judgement he needed to make Kendall fall in love with him. Something that would give him all the right moves. Something that would take away the emotional wall between them.

The door opened, and David looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"What do you want?"

"Hayward!" said Zach with mock cheerfulness. "I think I might have something you need."

"I seriously doubt that, " said David sourly, starting to slam the door.

Zach grabbed it before it shut all the way. "I have business with you, Hayward," he said, stepping in.

David rolled his eyes,walked over to his scotch decanter, and poured himself a drink. He did not offer any to Zach.

"How would you like to stop mopping floors?"

"I'm listening," said David.

Zach moved over to the scotch decanter and poured himself one. "I can pull the right strings to get you your MD license back, to get you back in the hospital." He shrugged, "Can't get the community service revoked, but I can get it moved back to the clinic."

"And why would do you this for me? What's your price?"

"This is a delicate matter. It must be kept in strictest confidence" said Zach. He tried to maintain that slight smile, the direct look in the enemies eyes that so often served him by unnerving his opponent. But the armor was crumbling, he could feel it. He was desperate for Kendall- desperate not to mess this one up. So desperate he'd make a deal with a man he hated more than almost any other. So desperate all his nerve and sense was vanishing...

David saw the cracks, and his eyes danced with amusement as they met Zach's unblinking. "Go on."

"I can make your life hell if you screw this up, Hayward." he said a little too quickly.

David started to shrug, and seemed to think better of it as the gleam in his eye brightened. "I'm aware of that. And I don't want anymore trouble than I already have."

"But you do want your MD back."

"Definitely. If you have a suggestion that may be mutually beneficial, spit it out."

Zach drew a breath. It was all or nothing now...


	2. Chapter 2

There was a moment of silence after Zach told David his situation.

David's eyebrows were raised in amusement. "So, basically, you want a love potion? For yourself?"

"No!" said Zach. "I want something that will make Kendall desire ME. Something that will cause me to project a desirability. I don't want anything like the Libidizone you drugged half the town with a few years ago."

"That wasn't mine," said David scornfully. "That was a drug company clinical trial drug. If I'd made it, there would have been fewer side effects."

"Whatever," said Zach. "But that's not the sort of thing I'm looking for."

"So, you're a flop with chicks?" said David.

The last defense crumbled. "Yes, " said Zach mournfully, sitting on David's couch and thinking how odd it was that David had the same taste in furniture that his brother Michael had. "Been that way since 1996. Every time I've gotten close to someone in the past 9 years, it's had a terrible outcome."

David narrowed his eyes and wagged a finger at Zach. "I've got it. Just the thing. I can mix it up right here in the sink." He gave him a wink and walked over to the test tube rack.

"I didn't know you had a sink," said Zach. "I thought you just had six test tubes and a beaker."

David snorted. "How can I make all those drugs with just six test tubes and a beaker? I have a computer, too". And he grabbed a few test tubes and walked into a kitchen Zach had not seen before.

David stood at the sink, pouring in a little of this and a little of that. He opened a cabinet above the sink, shook a little powder in. He stirred the mixture, scooped it out with a ladle and poured it into a glass.

Zach recoiled from the smell as David handed him the black potion.

"It smells like turpentine and looks like India Ink!" he gasped.

"Don't be so picky. This will work. You'll feel the courage almost immediately."

Yes, he was desperate. Zach held his nose, closed his eyes, and took a drink.


	3. Chapter 3

Zach winced as he swallowed, but he felt the effects almost immediately. A warmth and courage coursed through his veins. He could do anything! The past be damned. He was one hot back from the dead casino king identity thief! What woman would NOT fall for him!

"Hayward!" he gushed. "This is great! I'm SURE this will work! How could Kendall NOT love me!" He grabbed David in a huge bear hug.

David gingerly pulled away. "It only works for 12 hours at a time, " he said. "You better hurry! Here" David put another two bottles of the black goo in Zach's hand. "Free refills."

He waited till Zach was well down the road before he let himself laugh. And did he laugh. He laughed till he was doubled over and tears ran down his cheeks. This ought to be SO good. Slater was already under the influence within minutes of drinking the formula- but if it worked according to projections it wouldn't reach full effect for a half hour. A shame he couldn't see it play out.

Or could he? He grabbed his keys and headed to town.

He assumed Zach would head to Fusion- to Kendall. But he saw signs of his brew's effect long before he got to the office. As he passed the park, he saw Myrtle Fargate standing on the corner, blouse disheveled, with a look of pure joy on her face. A police officer was speaking to her.

David pulled over and parked across the street. He rolled down his window and listened.

"Ma'am, are you sure that man wasn't bothering you?" asked the officer.

"Oh, NO, dear." said Myrtle pleasantly, and a bit dreamily. "No bother at all!"

"Witnesses say he accosted you, springing out from behind that tree and planting a big kiss-"

"Now, dear, when I'm accosted I'll let you know. Zach is a dear friend. A dearer friend than I realized!" She laid her hand gently on the cops arm. "You know, I think he'd been nipping at the brandy a bit. Life's been hard on him recently. I don't think he knew if it was day or night!"

"Yes," said the officer. "That's part of the problem. It seems he's been kissing everything in sight."

"Well, don't be to hard on him when you find him, dearie," said Myrtle. "In fact, just give me a call if you see him. I'm sure i can bring him in." She winked at the officer and walked away, smiling and adjusting her blouse.

David scanned the street ahead. He saw a group of kids who had been walking their dog, all clustered together talking... he listened... yes, some strange man had come up, said he loved puppies, picked up the 130 lb Rottweiler and kissed it. David got out of his car. He ought to be close enough to walk and catch up to Zach now. Not too close- just close enough to see what was unfolding.

Uh-oh. Walking up the street was a furious looking Babe.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked as she tried to brush by him.

"I'm not talking to you anymore. I've disowned you, remember?" she said hotly.

"Yeah. So what's wrong?"

"That MAN!" she said. "Zach Slater! He grabs my arm while I was at the hospital the other week- that was creepy enough. But today , he sees me, say's 'hi ya, ya hot babe!' and KISSES me!" She wiped her lips in disgust. "It was like he was drugged or--"

She stopped and looked at David shrewdly. He tried to look innocent.

"Oh- you are so EVIL" she shrieked. "Do you have to keep ruining people's LIVES? When are you going to stop this sort of nasty behavior? How can you be SO EVIL! What did you do?"

He took her arm and led her to a quiet side of the park. "Shh.. hold on. He just came to me for a little help in gaining confidence with women."

"Confidence! Oh!" She glared at David with righteous fury. "This really messed him up. - he thinks he's in love with-" She stopped a moment and thought. "I don't suppose that stuff would work on JR, would it?" a sly gleam in her eye.


	4. Chapter 4

Zach strode confidently past the women (and one man) upon whom he'd just bestowed his affections. What a glorious day it was! Or was it night? It didn't matter. The whole town LOVED him, and he was glad to return that love. But his final goal was Kendall. Kendall, Kendall. She was sure to be drawn to him, just like the rest of Pine Valley!

He stopped a minute. Was someone following him? He thought he heard a sound- a giggle maybe? He turned. No ... no one. If someone had been following him he would not have been surprised, with the magnetic personality he now had.

He looked at the two other little bottles- well, if a little is good, more must be better, he thought. He popped the cork on vial number two, and took a swig. Better be as magnetic as possible before going into Fusion!

He wondered if Greenlee would be there. Hopefully not. He was so full of love, he'd hate to be the cause of more strife between Kendall and Greenlee, as they both would obviously want him. Everyone wanted him! Everyone!

Ah- as he approached the corner of 34th and Vine, he saw yet another Pine Vallier. He took another swig from his vial, grabbed the citizen, dipped him backwards, and gave him a huge kiss.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SLATER!" gasped Derrick Frye.

----------------

Zach sat morosely in the jail cell. He'd never even gotten in the front door of the office building, let alone on the elevator that would take him up to Kendall. And he was feeling dejected. The aura of invulnerability he'd had a few hours before was gone, leaving a dark bleak spot. And there was no way of getting the confidence back. Derrick had confiscated all his little bottles of potion. Actually, Derrick had smashed the one he'd been swigging from at the time they ran across each other at 34th and Vine.

Derrick came down to the cell, still wiping his mouth and looking disgusted. "You have company, Slater."

"What the hell is this all about! I want to speak to my lawyer!" came David Hayward's voice down the corridor. Half a minute later two cops threw him into the jail cell with Zach, who looked at him mournfully.

"You can discuss your manufacture of designer drugs with Slater, one of your customers," said Derrick. "He had THIS when we picked him up, and your prints were on it. We searched your cabin and found a SINK FULL of it!"

"That? That's drain cleaner! Zach is huffing drain cleaner and you're arresting me for it? Derrick- wait, where are you going- DERRICK!" called David as Derrick and the officers left the holding area.

"Great," he grumbled. "They've probably confiscated the whole batch. Took me nine tries to get that stuff to work with a low risk of sexual side effects."

"I never even got to Kendall," said Zach morosely. "Derrick was standing there on the corner, and ... I'm not sure what happened. It's a little blurry. But he broke all my little bottles of... what do you call that stuff? And don't say drain cleaner."

David sighed and sat on the cot. "Love Potion Number Nine. And it's all gone-- " He stopped a moment. "Well, not all".  
he said, as a smile spread across his face. "I think there's a little in use at the Chandler mansion."

"At least," said Zach, a little bit of hope crawling back. "Kendall doesn't hang out over there."

_... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...the end... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... _


End file.
